Key Recruitment

It’s Movember Time!

tina — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:51:50 +0000

It’s that time of year again when men can go mad and grow moustaches for a great cause. For the month of November, try and grow a ‘mo’ and raise money for prostate cancer charities and other men’s health causes. Check out the official Movember website on www.movember.com to get ideas on how to grow your ‘mo’ and keep it groomed etc. You can even post your achievement onto the gallery for everyone to admire.

For all the woman out there who also want to support this great cause, follow the link to see how you can get involved: http://uk.movember.com/news/view/id/2382/category/local/

Come on everyone, lets have a hairy moment together!

How many sweets in the jar?

tina — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 15:58:59 +0000

Many of you may have seen us at the recent Opportunities Fair at the Guildhall in Portsmouth on Sunday 16th October. The Fair was set up to encourage 10 to 13 year olds to realise the business opportunities in Portsmouth and to encourage them to see what careers are available before the onset of GCSE’s. Key Recruitment Ltd had a stand which allowed people to test their skills and learn about CVs and Interviews. We also wanted to do something fun so we filled a big jar with sweets and encouraged everyone to guess how many sweets filled it. This proved to be extremely popular with many people. There was in fact 263 sweets in the jar and the nearest guess was from Todd Russell who guessed 265 and was therefore the winner! Todd is pictured here with Monica Key, Managing Director and Jane Barry, HR & Operations Manager who presented him with the sweets. Well Done Todd!

A little of what you fancy….!!!

tina — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 13:24:56 +0000

Did you know that it is national cupcake week? For those of us who enjoy a little dabble in the kitchen, I for one will be getting my whisk out to have a little go. Not sure whether the finished article will be as pretty as a picture but as long as it tastes good, I can always close my eyes!

Struck lucky today as I was chatting to Cat Woman who was telling me how she had turned her fair hands at the weekend to producing lots of lovely goodies, which very selfishly were consumed almost immediately by her nearest and dearest. However, all is not lost as I have abstracted a promise from our leader that she will bake a cake this week for the good of the team – we know she is a feeder. I am sure that now she is in full cooking mode swing, we can expect many treats and surprises, particularly as a little of what you fancy does you good!

Monkey Business

No sign of our thirsty decorators today. However their presence was felt or ‘smelt’ as the case may be as I got a strong whiff of new paint as I took my daily exercise constitution today up the stairs – one has to make an effort you know!! I have been reading about decreasing stress at work and always one to share good things; I have been contemplating gathering all my fellow workers for a little daily keep fit routine. Not sure whether we will get many takers though, I will keep you posted!

Rant of the Day

Ok one of my major pet hates drove my stress levels through the roof recently and I nearly changed my bank after 30 years! Why oh why do companies use foreign call centres and try and pass them off as customer care assistants!!!!! Why don’t they just admit that they want to save every last penny and make obscene amounts of profit by paying someone in the third world a pittance? I won’t bore you with the details but I really do not have a problem with understanding people and their accents. Most of my family are from overseas so I am well trained. Its not that I can’t understand or hear, it’s just that they don’t understand the word NO and they are so rude with it. Maybe during their training the word NO is removed from their vocabulary, but call me old fashioned, as a customer I thought I should expect to have a pleasant and professional service and not be driven to putting the phone down on someone some 5,000 miles away through sheer frustration.

Don’t Drink the Water!!!

tina — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 13:57:08 +0000

Just back from a fabulous two week break sunning myself, or not as the case maybe, from sunny Malta. I must confess to being one of those who likes the idea of having a glowing tan, but when it comes to it, I whimp out and get my place in the shade and slap on my factor 50. Did not have to wrestle for my space by the pool and place my towel accordingly as we had eight to choose from which I can highly recommend.
I was quite amazed however at how much the price of everyday things have risen since my last visit which was pre the introduction of the Euro. However if you want to smoke yourself silly, then the prices are very cheap compared to dear old Blighty.

Which brings me onto one of the daftest ideas I have heard in a long time about how we should get the economy moving again? Reverse the ban on smoking! so we can enjoy a smoke and drink at our local again, apparently Antony Worrall Thompson has an online petition you can sign up to get the government to review the ban…..Perhaps he should stick to cooking……on second thoughts……..

Monkey Business

Thought I would play the good samaratan and offer to make a cup of tea for a couple of decorators who are busy making our hallway look new at our offices in Portsmouth. There I was cup in hand, only to be turned down with a very polite ‘no thanks’. Do you think that perhaps they had heard that my tea making abilities weren’t up to scratch?

Rant of the Day

Not really a rant, but a lovely thought about all that glitters…..and how romance does pay off. Elizabeth Taylor’s wonderful collection of sparkles are going up for auction at Christies soon. If you have a spare £18.5 million you may be lucky enough to snatch these but I would hazard a guess you will need to stump up a bit more cash. Who said that diamonds were a girls best friend? They weren’t far off the mark that’s for sure.

Street Urchins

MartinK — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 09:44:42 +0000

What a dull and breezy morning I endured walking from the car carrying my holdall containing a change of clothes for the match at Fratton Park tonight. It’s all go on the football front at the moment and I am hoping for a better result than on Saturday. The way we are playing the change of clothes needed maybe a kit and boots. I couldn’t possibly do worse than the shower we have down there at the present time.

Last night I decided it was time to resume pressure washing the paths and as the Munsters have returned next door it seemed the obvious thing to do. Unfortunately it was too windy and would have been a futile exercise as one gets absolutely caked in muck in normal conditions let alone when it’s blowing a gale.

Monkey Business

Once again yesterday I managed to spill coffee from a plastic cup all over myself

I think as a safety measure its best that from now on I am not to be trusted making any hot drinks. Obviously I will still need to be watered so mine is a tea with one sugar. You wouldn’t want to see me wilt and dehydrate would you? Well would you…..

Rant of the day Social Misfits

I have to have a moan about some of the young kids that are being bred on our local estates. Yesterday one of my colleagues who parks her car in a council parking space outside a block of flats had her car window smashed. The culprit was a 7 year old feral rat who lived in the opposite block; he had been seen on CCT throwing a rock at a 6 year old girl. When I arrived to see if I could help we were immediately surrounded by a group of young ferals who were walking barefoot around the car which was full of glass. One of them said…

‘Mister I can tell u who did it’ and pointed up to a flat.

I said ‘prey tell little street urchin, why did he throw a rock at you’

She replied ‘E’ always frows fings, as he aint got nuffin to do’

So his parents or parent were probably looking down at us in the car park and didn’t have the decency to come and apologise. When the police visit tomorrow I bet they plead poverty and nothing will happen. Meanwhile my colleague has to pay the excess on her insurance and will have little hope of recuperating the money.

Against all Odds

MartinK — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 09:21:19 +0000

Here we are once more tired and morose at the thought of a new week back at the grindstone. However we have all had a weekend to enjoy or endure depending on your circumstances. I was a happy bunny as it was the first home game of the season at Fratton Park and a nice sunny day to boot. My comrades and my good self chatted for an hour or so outside our pre match watering hole before making our way to the match. Songs aimed at the visitors from Brighton such as ‘does your boyfriend know you’re here’ and ‘we can see you holding hands’ aimed at the fact Brighton has a huge gay community heartened the crowd.
We went one nil down and struggled to equalise until the very last minute of the game when we were awarded a penalty. The crowd was hushed as our penalty taker placed the ball and walked back three steps, the anticipated roar when he scored turned to anguish as his shot hit the post and the rebound was missed. The final whistle was blown without the game restarting and we had lost our first home game of the season.
On Sunday, after reading several accounts of our game that unfortunately didn’t change the score line, we went out for lunch with some relatives and a particular Aunt who now lives in Milan and had been back in Britain for a week when the riots started. When asked does she miss living in England she laughed and said Italy’s economy and immigration policy is bad, but nothing like this.

Good news we have finally booked our holiday, I can relax now.

Monkey Business
Snowbird is off this week but the Blonde Phantom is back in the office. The Saint is still off until tomorrow and I expect to be bombarded with emails about his team’s shortlived time at the top.

Rant of the day Taming the Gangs
An American policeman who is an expert in gang violence in LA has been drafted in to help our authorities sort out the gangs that infest our inner cities. According to a Scottish newspaper, a scheme to take offenders out of their gang and into a two year training course is working well. The youngsters are given residential care with all the home comforts. One youngster now 16 started in a gang when he was thirteen.
He told Sky News: “When you’re younger you just think it’s fun, then as you get older you end up getting hit by bottles and bricks and then you start hitting people with bottles and bricks. You don’t think anything at the time; nothing’s going through your head. It’s all just fun and you feel like nothing’s going to happen to you.” After his course he expects to be able to get himself a job but if he doesn’t find employment what will he do? When asked this question his answer was ‘Go back into the gang I suppose’.

There really is no hope.

Visitors

MartinK — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 12:05:06 +0000

Happy days it’s Friday once again and another week ticked off waiting for my fortnight’s holiday. I have to say I am really looking forward to this weekend.
It’s the first home match of the season and Pompey are playing Brighton so a full house and a cracking atmosphere is expected. We need to win as our little neighbours up the M27 won last week and will hopefully lose tomorrow.
On Sunday I intend, weather permitting, to finish washing the paths and even the cars with the pressure washer. Hopefully it won’t be too windy as the mess blows all over the garden and anyone in its path as it is, I don’t need wind as well. Last time I looked like a baby hippo having a mud bath such was the splattering of mud I endured.

Monkey Business
Yesterday we were treated to cakes, our new young admin girl baked a Victoria Sponge and Hellcat brought in another of her mother in law’s cakes, sadly the last one we may get to eat as she leaves the company soon.

Snowbird flies the nest today for a two week break to fly abroad and recharge her feathers.

Rant of the day Little Green Men
Yesterday the MOD released the latest file of UFO sightings. Now we would all love to think we are not alone and in the vastness of space you would hope to think we are not. However after watching numerous documentaries on the subject it’s highly unlikely they will be anything like us and that we will ever meet them.
However mysterious lights in the night sky have been seen all across the world and most can be explained. Most are hoaxes by strange people and farmers who regularly get abducted from their farm in Utah. One story I read from the file really makes you realise why there are so many sceptics on the subject. A young couple in East London called the police and were joined by two constables when two mysterious visitors dressed in space suits and dark glasses calling themselves Mork and Mindy turned up on their doorstep.

Now how can you explain that?

Mork and Mindy was a seventies American TV show about an alien living on earth

Head in the Clouds

MartinK — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 09:00:07 +0000

Good morrow on this windy Thursday morning. I was hoping for a week without rain but have to say it looks a tad dodgy today looking at the cloud formations. I was watching them this morning and could clearly make out Elvis face in a wispy cumulous that hovered overhead. Or could it be I forgot my pills this morning.
I was relieved last night to find Munster family next door were not back from their holiday. The woman [I call her that tentatively] who has been round at 6.45am every morning to feed the cat or the rat [we are not sure which] didn’t show yesterday. I was sure that meant their imminent return but thankfully I was wrong. I was getting ready to greet them back with an hours worth of the pressure washer in the garden. Oh well only another couple of weeks and we will be away for a fortnight and will return to relative calm as the schools will have gone back.

Monkey Business
The Blonde Phantom is still may not be back to work this week.
Tomorrow is Fat Boy Friday when we normally treat ourselves to a breakfast snack of some kind. So in the Blonde Phantom’s absence I will be looking for a willing partner to accompany me to pick up our order.
It’s dangerous out on the streets and I need someone with me to throw to the ferals as I make my escape with the food.

Rant of the day Disenchanted Youth
Watching the awful scenes unfold on out TV screens makes you wonder where it all went wrong. Thirty years ago corporal punishment was taken out of our schools and parents were no longer allowed to discipline their kids. Now we are left with feral rats roaming the streets. These kids have no morals, they have no education, and they have no social skills. The parents have no control over them as they have let them run wild since they were born. There is nothing for them to do in the council run ghettos and little chance of them ever finding meaningful employment. I still can’t help thinking that the benefits society they have been brought up in is to blame.
They feel that everything should be given to them and that they are so hard done by. If they have never seen a family member working for a living, then they believe it’s the norm to scrounge an existence off the state. Until we sort out the benefit culture and the education of these kids nothing will change. I dread to think what the offspring of this current crop of reprobates will be in ten years time.

Spilt Drink

MartinK — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 07:52:29 +0000

What a morning I have had already, and it’s not yet 8am. After opening all the windows and turning on all the fans in this infernal furnace of an office, I sat at my desk with a large Greggs Latte. One swish of the hand and the whole cup spilt over my lap covering my desk, mobile phones and soaking my suit trousers. I am now wearing a pair of workman’s trousers that don’t do up around the waist and are thirteen foot too long. My trousers have had to be washed down and are hanging out to dry which shouldn’t take too long in here. My phones are soaking, my paperwork is damp and my mouse is shivering.
However it’s slightly more dangerous out on the streets as even the football at Wembley is cancelled because of the rioting and lack of police resources. It could be down this way very soon. I can imagine packs of ferals in their hovels planning a raid on local sports shops and mobile phone stores. According to Hampshire police they have intercepted twitter reports that a riot is being planned in Southampton town centre on Friday night.
A police spokesman man said ‘It’s such a mess up their with the bin men strike, you probably won’t notice any difference’.

Mon Key Business
The lack of air in the office seems to be taking its toll, the Blonde Phantom is off Amethyst felt better this morning until she hit the heat in the office and is now snivelling and sneezing again. It’s even affected the man who comes into water the plants who said it was unbearable, before having a sneezing fit.

Rant of the day Bring in the Army
Why don’t our cowardly politicians bring in the army to scare these rioters?
It seems the Police are outnumbered and haven’t got the training for his kind of conflict. A few rubber bullets around the backside will soon sort the hooded warriors out. Pussy footing around making a barricade and following them on twitter is no good. Dave our ‘great leader’ stands in front of a camera and tells them they will be hunted down and sentenced accordingly. Which actually means 100 hours community service, clearing up the mess that they made in the first place. On top of that a paltry fine that the benefits office will have to pay any way. ARRGH……… makes me so angry.

Londons Burning

MartinK — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 07:58:45 +0000

Good morning Dahlings, what a delightful day here on the south coast and an easy drive to work as the roads are free of parents doing the early morning run. It was wonderful last weekend when the football season started and now I can look forward to five matches in 14 days. It was a long three months since the season ended in May but normal service is now presumed. At least we have the European championships next summer to bridge the gap.
We still haven’t booked our flight and hotel for our fortnight’s holiday and we have less than 3 weeks to go. The flights have gone up in price dramatically due to a holiday firm going bankrupt last week so we will wait patiently to see what happens.
It’s so quiet in our house at the moment as the noisy neighbours are still on holiday and this is the start of the second week. It would be great if they didn’t return until Sunday. If they do come home before then I will treat them to the ambient noise of the pressure washer.

Mon Key Business
Great news it was slightly cooler in the office yesterday with temperatures in the high twenties and not in the 30s as they were last week. I can also report that nobody fell asleep due to the heat. Apart from the Riddler of course who always enjoys her afternoon nap.

Rant of the day London Looters

I have been watching the disgraceful scenes unfold on Sky News from the riots in the London area. What started out as a protest against the shooting of a local man in Tottenham has now spread into full scale riots and looting in Walthamstow, Enfield and Brixton. News of sporadic looting is being spread around on Twitter and by ‘chav’ Cyber Warriors who have surprised the authorities by being able to use a computer. It has now spread as far as Croydon in the south and onto Birmingham, Bristol and Liverpool.
Apparently word on the street is ‘roll down to where it’s all at man’
According to one news report kids as young as seven years old have been arrested and are currently flogging stolen contraband such as football stickers and Justin Beiber face masks in the police station. The areas involved all inner city estates where the disenchanted yoof follow the elder gangsta’s like sheep as it’s all they know. Unfortunately due to many having no father figures and alarming truancy rates, many were destined to be idiots from birth, and are now acting the part.